I am not an F'ing baby so let me go in the corner if I want to.

(written in a stream of consciousness)

Is there a point in life that people don't baby you?  Because you're the youngest, you look young, you are short, you don't know everything, you show vulnerability, you aren't rolling in money, you're an artist, you have a kid or you are a woman.

Even when you are in your 90's, people end up treating you like a baby, and I am NOT looking forward to that. I now understand my Nanny Rooney who would always say "I am not a baby, so stop treating me like one". She was right, I did treat her (at the age of 17) like she was incapable. What cheek on my behalf, she had lived a life. Definitely a harder one than I, as she lived through a war plus much more.
63 years my senior at the time, and there I was judging her. Shame on me.

Do you relate? I am sure everyone at some point in their life has baby'ed someone or thought they know best for the other person.  You know what - what gives us the right? No matter how old we are.

I was trying to think of people I do that to and only found that I have been that way with my dad, when he started smoking again. What gives me the right? Yes, concern. But why tell him what to do? He provided for me all my life, worked a job from the crack of dawn to dark so that I could live an amazing childhood and I am here judging him. I sit there and pass judgement not concern. No wonder he said it was none of my business. You are right, It isn't. Why start or end the sentence with "you shouldn't do that" or "you know what you should do". Why not just voice your concern but not tell 'em what to do.

I know it doesn't make for a good relationship. Why is it that I regret asking for advice or help in the first place? Because once you do that it never stops there. It opens the door to a constant stream.

I have had it with the constant babying, the constant I-know-best-for-you-attitude.   I hope that people give JJ a little credit when he's nearly 30.

Don't even get me started with looking young and therefore getting unwanted advice.

It is in my knowledge that people pay for advice and for good reason. I believe there is a time and place, there is the wanted and the unwanted help. If I don't get the unwanted from my folks why should I get at all really.

Or being a woman...weak right? I call BS.

I have noticed that once you get pregnant and have a kid you are constantly getting the unwanted. People telling you how it will be, how to do things, how, how, how!

Is it people who think they are better than you who do this? Or think they have more power? Why is figuring it out on your own and making your own mistakes not enough anymore? Why try to prevent things, why try and control everybody else. Has respect flown out the window?

If someone wants to be in the corner, why not let them be. If they want to jump off a small cliff into safe water but you wouldn't, why tell them they are wrong. People should wonder why they are constantly advising others.

Some people reading this may find it is pin-pointed at them. I guess those who see themselves in this note have good reason to, inside or outside my life. Be mad at me for calling a spade a spade, I guess.

I am an adult, a strong woman, a committed artist, a loving mother, I may not be financially rich, I am comfortable with my emotions, I am not scared of you, I may make mistakes but aren't those mine to make?

I want to be in the corner or I don't want to be in the corner it's ultimately my choice. I can think and stick-up for myself.

I am not telling you what to do as that would be hypocritical. Do what you want, but I have had enough of being hurt by this very thing. This blog could have very well been called WHY, I have used the word a lot.

Time to be a mum

It has been a while that I haven't blogged but for good reason. I had a son.

I was contemplating whether or not I'd share my labor experience here but decided, it is rare to have purely private moments only shared with family anymore, so I am keeping it.  Just know, it was the most exhilirating experience I have ever had and I am not scared to do it again.

Now time to be a mum, which means "Mum you have no time."
Time takes on a whole new meaning when you have a little one, you literarly time everything from breast-feeding to sleep, and it is exhausting.
It is only now that I have the time to write this blog, tidy the house and have not-rushed showers. It is nice to be able to take a breather.

JJ is everything. We are lucky to have such a happy baby who slept through the night pretty much from the beginning.

Major things have happened in our lives since moving to Toronto and apart from missing friends and family from Vancouver, it is our home now.

We just bought a beautiful semi-detached home in Corso Italia and are going to do renovations as soon as we move in, in November.
Adding a 1 Bedroom + Den basement apartment suite with walk-in closet to rent out starting February 1st 2012.
Relocating laundry to main floor.
Painting walls
Carpeting a bedroom
Redoing the main kitchen

Tomorrow I am teaching a three day acting intensive.

Life is pretty good for us right now.

I will post again soon, this blog was just to warm you up.